Dealing with Shyness

What can you do?

• Stop worrying about what others think of you.
• Think positively.
• Judge others fairly.
• Improve your social skills.
• Try to develop a sense of humor about yourself.
• Set realistic and meaningful goals.
• Be as prepared as possible.

Dr. Philip Zimbardo, Stanford University professor and founder of The Shyness Clinic says to do three things:

1.   Analyze your shyness:

a.   In what social situations are you shy?

b.   What in that situation causes shyness?  Track in a journal or diary.

c.    Have a friend or relative give you feedback; discuss how you interact & how you can improve.

2.   Build your self-esteem

a.   Recognize that you ultimately control how you see yourself.

b.   Set your own standards; do not let others tell you how to live your life.

c.    Set realistic goals – not too high or too low.  Many people demand too much of themselves.

d.   Talk positively to yourself – tell yourself you can do it & you are a good person.

e.   Learn to take rejection.  Everyone risks rejection in social interactions.  Try not to take it personally – it may have nothing to do with you.

3.   Improve your social skills

a.   Follow a role model.  Select someone you respect & observe how s/he interacts.  Imitate his/her behavior.

b.   Learn to listen.

c.    Smile.

d.   Reinforce yourself for each successful interaction.

e.   Rehearse in your mind how you will respond in new situations.

f.     Practice with a friend – role play interviews, dates, etc.

g.   Find your comfort zone – go where your interests are; not every environment is for everyone.  You might be happier at an art gallery, book group, on a volleyball team, etc., than at a bar or party.