Anger is an emotion most of us are familiar with, experiencing it in varying degrees as a result of all kinds of experiences. It is a very individual response, with both unique as well as fairly universal triggering events. Anger expression also has a wide range: anything from internalized, non-expressed, or quick release of the feeling, to loud and/or physical expression, ranging all the way to violence. Anger management is often recommended for people on the more physical end of the spectrum, and with obvious good reason: much harm and destruction may result, intentionally or not, when a person has the tendency to act out anger in loud or physical ways, possibly hurting the recipient’s body and/or feelings (as well as his/her own), and harming the relationship. Learning ways to manage your anger so no one gets hurt is most certainly a worthy goal. A great list of coping techniques is provided here http://www.therapistaid.com/content/0058.pdf
Do you already know, or have you learned, how to “manage your anger”? If so, that’s fabulous! And that is also the beginning. Anger is an emotion that powerfully communicates that THIS MUST STOP, whatever “this” may be. Anger may be a confusing emotion, and with good reason; anger is a secondary emotion, meaning it comes after another feeling, or combination of feelings. The feelings that precede anger may be any one, or any combination of the following: hurt, fear, confusion, sadness, embarrassment, worry, guilt, jealousy, anxiety, disappointment, or shame. This list arguably contains not a single desirable emotion, and knowing this can help you understand why a lot of people quickly move to anger when they are unhappy.
Examining your anger, identifying what is behind the feeling, then processing through it all in a therapeutic environment can be highly beneficial in transforming your experience of anger. Working through your anger has the potential to improve your response to life’s challenges, your relationships, and your own state of mind.
Toni Rey, LMFT