Each of us is a result of our own unique complex mixture of nature and nurture. Nature includes the biological aspects of who we are, comprised of the genes that combined at the moment of our conception, half from each parent. We are each born with our own temperament and personality, a result of our genetic endowment, the conditions of development in our mother’s womb, and the circumstances of our birth. Nurture is the environmental piece, which includes every experience we have, good or bad: our families and how we were parented, neighborhood, activities, nutrition, school, interactions with every person we encounter, etc.
Identity is defined by Merriam-Webster quite simply as “who someone is”. Identity development is a gradual and lengthy process that begins prenatally, is a significant developmental task in infancy and childhood, becomes a primary focus of adolescence and young adulthood, and continues in some domains throughout the life span.
Psychology textbooks identify the areas of identity development as career or work path, political stance, spiritual beliefs and values, relationship status, knowledge and achievement, sexual identity, cultural/ethnic affiliation, leisure and interests, personality characteristics, and body awareness and image.
I believe that, in many ways, the journey of life is the development of identity, including the discovery of the self. This journey is both an unfolding and an exploration, and includes grappling with many questions, such as the following:
What are my strengths and weaknesses, in all arenas?
What/who do I love, like, feel neutral about, dislike, hate? Why?
How am I like and unlike those that I am closest to, or furthest apart from?
Who do I want to be like, spend time with, or avoid, and why?
What are my values? How can I reflect them in my work/play/relationships?
What do I believe?
What do I think is most important?
How do I react to the unexpected, good or bad news, feedback, conflict, challenge?
And so on…
My belief is that, in addition to wanting to realize the fullness of who we are, we each desire to be seen, and known, and heard. I view the therapeutic relationship as an optimal forum for developing clarity about one’s identity, for grappling with the big questions in a safe and supportive environment.